Taking Charge Of Your Sexuality
Face it. You’re a sexual being. It’s natural. It’s normal. It’s beautiful. It’s also up to you to embrace that about yourself and learn to take charge of your sexual wellbeing. Single or committed, you owe it to yourself to become so familiar with your sexuality that when it’s time to explore with others, you are confident enough and equipped enough to take responsibility for your own orgasms and your own pleasure in the moment.
I’m willing to bet that looking at your sexual cravings, desires, preferences and appetite as a learning experience to better understand yourself, the way you view pleasure and the way you interact with sexual partners, hasn’t been at the top of the list of “Things people encourage you to prioritize” in your life. But don’t worry, there’s no time like now to begin. It’s time to take charge of your sexuality and here are a few ways to get this show on the road.
1. Your pleasure is your responsibility
Adding onto what I said earlier, your pleasure is up to no one but you. You get to call the shots when it comes to the way you experience sexual satisfaction. When you realize that the power is in your hands and that you get to write the terms of your sexuality agreement, that’s when you take ownership over your sexual life. That’s when you give yourself the permission to embrace your sexuality as worthy of experiencing in whatever ways make you feel pleased. You have sovereignty over your pleasure. Owning that truth will literally set you free. Sexually speaking. It also takes the weight off of any sexual partner(s) to have to “please you” or “satisfy you” and removes the expectation from the sexual experience(s). You can be fully in the moment, knowing that you have you covered. That’s an unbeatable feeling.
2. Self-Exploration
You don’t know what you don’t know and ignorance is absolutely not bliss when it comes to knowing yourself sexually. You MUST get to know yourself. It is your duty to know your body, your pleasure points and your sexual triggers, in order to facilitate orgasm and climax. Exploring yourself and all of your erogenous zones will help you understand your pleasure. The more you understand something, the more confident you become in relaying the information to interested parties, the better sex you will have, alone and with others, and the more you’ll want to continue to expand your sexual horizons. Along with the physical uncovering, you’ll also likely dive into subconscious emotional drives and/or traumas surrounding your sexual desires and preferences. Knowing yourself this intimately will undoubtedly encourage personal growth in so many aspects of your life.
3. Experiment more
Maybe you’re more kinky than you give yourself credit for. Nothing wrong with that. Quite the opposite actually. Choosing to put your sexuality to the test and try things that maybe you’ve never actively considered or maybe you have and just didn’t want to “seem like a weirdo” for finding interest in it, is a great way to confirm what you like and what you don’t like. At the very least, researching different ways to sexually stimulate yourself is a great step in the direction of becoming sexually confident and competent. Knowledge is power and experience is the greatest teacher. Once you have that power, you can utilize it to your advantage. Maybe you seek out compatible sexual partners with the self-awareness to be upfront about your preferences and desires so you don’t get yourself into an unsatisfying situation. Maybe you sign up for events that are tailored to your specific kink and find your tribe and community. Maybe you help other people find their sexual freedom with your testimony. Whatever you choose to do with your newfound power and your well of experience, you can always credit it back to your willingness to be curious about your sexuality. That is reason enough to put yourself out there. To open yourself up to more pleasure, to different pleasure. YOUR pleasure.
4. Consent
Sex in and of itself is consensual. So there is sex, which you have ONLY when consent has been given through an exciteable and enthusiastic “YES!” of some sort, or there is rape. As I said in the very beginning of this post, you have sovereignty over yourself. There is power in your right to say “YES!” and your right to say “NO!” at any moment and at any time. You do not have to give your power away or to anyone under any circumstance. This means that if you are in the middle of a solo session and you start feeling like you no longer want to be in this moment, you stop, you clean your pleasure essential, you pee and you go about your day. It also means that if you are in the middle of sex with someone and you no longer want to be there, even though you had given consent to being there, you can stop and say “I’m no longer consenting to this”, put on your clothes, pee and go about your day. Now because you are a mature human being, I know you’ll give them the courtesy of kindness and communication, but you will not allow them to disrespect you or coerce you into continuing. Knowing that you are in control of your sexual energy and your sexual being at all times is key to taking charge of your sexuality. Your right to consent is a basic human right.
5. Talk about it
Talk about it like you talk about the weather or what you’re eating for dinner. If you’re in the dating pool and sex is an important facet of your life, feel free to add that to your dating profile, or as one of your prompted questions. Opening up a space for conversations about sex that are chill and non-judgmental has a huge impact on the way you embrace your sexuality and the ripple effects of it. You normalize sex when you speak about it candidly. You humanize sex when you share your experiences, your desires and your preferences with others. You deshamify sex when you have positive conversations about your sexuality and the impact it has on your overall wellbeing. You build confidence within yourself by prioritizing your sexual wellness. And confidence is one of the most attractive qualities someone can have.
Taking charge of your sexuality is a solo gig. You call the shots and you reap the rewards. It may not feel natural to embrace your sexuality right off the bat. You’ve most likely had years and years of shame, dismissal, a lack of education and even encouragement when it comes to sex. So be kind to yourself on your journey of sexual self discovery. Take it day by day because as with anything, proficiency comes to those who make the time to work at it, whatever it is. In this case, it is your sexual wellbeing. There’s no time like the present and we all have to start somewhere. So I encourage you to start now and grab the metaphorical bull by the horns and take charge of your sexuality. You are a sexual being. It’s up to you to decide to love that about yourself.
