Navigating Sexual Desires During Social Isolation
Over the past year and a half, many of us experienced a bit of a set back in our sexual connection situation.
Singles, boo’d up, and even exclusive couples who lived together or were sexually monogamous found themselves a little nervous in the ‘bump n grind’ department during the first few months of lockdown. It has been the fear of contracting or spreading Covid-19 through kissing or physical intimacy that deterred so many singles and essential workers from any partnered sexual activities. Though, with technology and the copious amounts of separation and isolation, we’ve adopted some very satisfying ways to fulfill our sexual desires and create a space for this very important aspect of self-care.
Adult novelty retailers report sale spikes of more than 600% on pleasure essentials since March 2020. This is one clear indicator that the desire for sexual stimulation, even during social isolation, is not going anywhere. In fact, a study published in the Journal of Psychosexual Health, on Sexual Behavior During the times of Covid-19, concluded that same dwelling couples were finding more time to explore new ways of sexual fulfillment and singles or separated couples were spending more time watching porn, masturbating, using video-chat and bluetooth controllable stimulators.
Sexual wellness is incredibly important and so often overlooked in comparison to our emotional, physical, mental and spiritual health. But with isolation we gain clarity and oftentimes a deeper relationship with ourselves and what is important to us and for us. We get to listen to our body, we get to establish our own way self-soothing and new ways of self-care. Through this, in many cases, mandatory isolation, we’ve collectively had the time to find new ways of pleasure and of connection, with ourselves and others.
Though the experience of this isolation has been heavy and unique for all of us, navigating your sexual desires through this period, or any period to come, can be a lot simpler and heck of a lot more satisfying if you’re willing to open up to these suggestions:
Mutual Masturbation
This one is a great way for sexual partners living in the same dwelling to connect sexually without actually being physical. Also, pay attention because it’s a great way to see how your partner likes to be touched. They are going to rub and squeeze and pace and place their hands and/or product in the areas and in the way that feels the best for them.
Erotic Stories
If you’re not really into watching, but still enjoy erotic storytelling, Dipsea is one of my favorites. You can choose your type of audio pleasure. They’ve got categories like Her + Him, Her + Her, Them + Them, all identities are welcomed, celebrated and explored. It also offers a wellness section with “how-to” information and guided fantasies. Use this, paired with your favorite pleasure essential product(s) and you’re golden! You can send your favorites to your partner(s) and have a fun discussion about it afterwards.
Healthy Porn
What I mean by Healthy Porn, is porn that is healthy for YOU and your personal sexual, mental and emotional wellbeing. As a woman who enjoys many types of porn, there is more than just Bang Bros and the plethora of free porn sites where you’ll see a very misogynistic “male-gaze heavy” portrayal of “enjoyable” sex. For example, Bellesa is a “porn for women” platform with films that are written, directed and produced by women with the intention of shifting portrayals of women from objects of conquest to the subjects of their own pleasure. They feature performer-requested pairings and are sexy, raw, charming and that have organic chemistry and real orgasms. If you’re into watching or even want to explore porn more, Bellesa is a great place to start... And finish... in my opinion 😉
Consensual Video Sex or Phone Sex
For lovers who are separated, video chatting or even a bit of phone sex (as vintage as that sounds) is a great way to connect sexually. One thing about not being together in person, when you’re in the heat of the moment, is establishing sexual communication. Oftentimes, people who are physically with one another mask their uncomfortability with communication, by just “going with the flow” even if they aren’t being fully satisfied. Having to connect sexually via video chat or over the phone really encourages you to speak up and say what turns you on so that you and your partner can imagine yourselves really there with each other, doing that thing to each other. You might even find that you enjoy that type of sensory play.
Consensual Sexting
As with video or phone sex, sexting is another great way to establish sexual communication. The difference being that instead of hearing it in the moment, you can read or look at it or listen to it at any point in the day, as many times as you want, for however long you want. It’s an amazing form of foreplay and is incredibly fun for building anticipation or if you’re not ready to jump into full on video or phone sex.
Bluetooth Stimulation
You know that scene in The Ugly Truth where Katherine Heigl has that hilariously sexy moment where she orgasms at the dinner meeting wearing vibrating panties? Yeah, that’s a thing, and it’s pretty much that difficult to stay composed. There is something about the adrenaline of being out in public plus being sexually teased that is really hard to beat. It’s even more amazing when you are given an orgasm without even being touched by your partner(s). If you’ve never given this a try, I encourage you to head to your nearest Pleasure Product store and snag you a We-Vibe or Lovense Lush 3 and plan a picnic or somewhere that allows you to be out and about yet distanced and give it a try. They also make wifi compatible stimulators that you and your partner can both sync to if you’re not close enough for bluetooth.
Sex Machines
Not ready to be physical or just unable to be? Sex machines are a great way to satisfy that specific craving. They make handheld & automatic, life-like fleshlights & strokers, as well as thrusting, riding, saddle, & handheld dildo drills to make it feel like you’re with someone. These are great for singles as well as couples. Pair these essentials with some Video or Phone Chatting or Healthy Porn and you’re in for a really sexy time.
Without getting too personal, though if you asked me I’d have no problem sharing, these are my top ways to navigate sexual desires while in social isolation by yourself or with your partner(s). I encourage you to try out all of them or as many as you can, and remember to have fun! Sex is meant to be enjoyable whether you’re solo-dolo or playing with another. So be safe, always consent and go get you some.
