Find Your Green Flags
It’s important to look for both red and green flags when dating. The problem many people have - although they may not realize it - is that they focus more on spotting red flags than looking for green ones (let alone knowing what they are).
When it comes to talking about dating - both on social media and in-person - we talk way more about what our red flags are than what our green flags are. As a result, we have a much clearer picture of the people we aren’t looking for than we do of the people we are looking for. While it’s great to know what you don’t want (‘thank you, next’), if we don’t have at least a sense of what we do want, we’re liable to not realize when the right thing is sitting in front of us.
With this in mind, we want to suggest some general themes you can think about when trying to identify ‘green flags.’
Level of curiosity
Being with someone boring or so stuck in their existing routines that they never want to do anything new sucks. Being curious is necessary for continued growth. You and your partner don’t need to be curious about the same things, you just need to believe that curiosity is a good thing.
Sure, you might be stuck with a vat of badly brewed beer, end up with a garage full of kayaks, or wind up with a puppy you never would have gotten on your own, but you’ll experience the thrill of discovery, the agony of failure, and ecstasy of achievement together.
Interaction with the world around them
Watch how your prospective partners interact with the world around them – it’s a powerful way to see whether how they talk about themselves matches up with who they really are. For example, many people like to think of themselves as relaxed and down-to-earth, but you can test this out by seeing how they interact with everyday challenges like slow trains, mistaken dinner orders, or sold out movies. If they take things in stride and pivot, then they may have a good sense of themselves; if they get hung up and the bumps throw them off, their sense of self may not actually match reality.
Complementary decision making
Life is complicated and a life with another person is even more complicated, especially if you add pets, a home, bills, kids, and other family members into the mix. You’re going to make tough decisions and deal with little mistakes together all the time. While everyone deals with difficult situations and decisions differently, it’s valuable to look for a potential partner who approaches challenges in a similar manner to you.
This isn’t to say you need to be in lockstep with all of your thoughts and decisions, or that the only right partner for you is someone who sees the world the way you do. Rather, a productive partnership is one where you can collectively approach problems, work together, and make decisions without rancor, bickering, or hurt feelings.
With this in mind, pay attention during early dates – how does your date approach making decisions they hadn't planned for? Does their approach resonate with you and is it a style you could work with? The decision itself doesn’t matter – whether you can see yourself working with them through deciding is what’s important.
We hope this provides you with a jumping off point to begin thinking about what your green flags are and how you can recognize them in a potential partner. While you should remain cognizant of red flags, don’t forget that green flags are what make a great relationship!
