Dating in Movies Versus Real Life
Think back to middle or high school, when you were eagerly waiting for your first kiss. You probably had expectations about relationships and romance floating around in your head, given the various movies or TV shows where every moment is perfect and you instantly fall in love. So when the big moment finally came, you leaned in, kissed for one second... and then disappointment set in. All the time spent looking up “How to Kiss” videos, or practicing on your hand was a waste. There was no grand romance or fireworks like in Hollywood. Although years have passed since those awkward days, the unattainable dating expectations from movies are still real.
Unrealistic expectations lead to dissatisfaction
Movie narratives have been fed to us since a very young age, from Disney movies to rom-coms. Hopes of finding your soulmate in a coffee shop, having a grand wedding on the beach, and living happily ever after are unfortunately not the reality for most. Films tend to distort romance and love, equating them to grand gestures. We’ve all seen the over the top running-to-the-airport-to-confess-your-love scene, and we can’t forget the dramatic & steamy rain-make-out scenes either.
Mediocre first dates and uncomfortable moments are all part of the dating process, but oftentimes we are left feeling dissatisfied by realistic experiences that are beautiful, raw, and real because of the unrealistic expectations we have. In reality, romance can look all sorts of ways, such as a night on the couch with popcorn or giving foot massages. Showing love in small ways might not seem as romantic, but it’s real. Basically, if you don’t come home to a candlelit dinner, don’t feel disappointed. Imperfect events can often be the precursor to something great, or they can be funny stories we share in the future. Don’t write something off right away if it’s not perfect, because perfect is impossible and unattainable. Who wants perfect anyways? It takes away from the ups and downs of life, which are what make it exciting.
Learn to Love the “boring”
Why would a movie show doing the dishes together or disagreements about what to watch on Netflix? Because it’s not exciting. But it is part of everyday life. Dating and relationships are not always dramatic and eventful, and initial excitement can fade quickly, especially once you pile on day-to-day life (with work, errands, bills, chores, and more). It’s important to always explore each other to see if your partner makes the monotony of everyday life enjoyable. When you get to the “boring” stuff and are still happy, that’s when you know they’re a keeper.
Lack of Modern Romances
We all know the media can be problematic and behind the times. Although this is quickly changing, many creators haven’t caught up. If you’re not white, cis, and straight, you might not see yourself depicted in movies very often. This might feel alienating, but remember that you have the same right to date and explore. Dating can look like different races, genders, sexualities, and everything in between, and it’s all equally valid. This gap in the industry is yet another example of the gap between movies and real life.
Snap Back to Reality
Before pressing play on that next movie or show, remember that what you watch is probably not an accurate depiction of reality. Movies are carefully curated, while real life is unexpected, in constant flow, and always changing. When preparing for a date, think of personal experiences and set manageable expectations to avoid disappointment. While films and TV shows are fun to watch and enjoy, they shouldn’t be taken out of context and shouldn’t be a standard to strive for. At the end of the day, hope for something real, not something like the movies.
