What is Consent?

“Consent means actively agreeing to be sexual with someone. Consent lets someone know that sex is wanted. Sexual activity without consent is rape or sexual assault.” PlannedParenthood.org

How does consent work?

“When you’re engaging in sexual activity, consent is about communication. And it should happen every time for every type of activity. Consenting to one activity, one time, does not mean someone gives consent for other activities or for the same activity on other occasions. For example, agreeing to kiss someone doesn’t give that person permission to remove your clothes. Having sex with someone in the past doesn’t give that person permission to have sex with you again in the future. It’s important to discuss boundaries and expectations with your partner prior to engaging in any sexual behavior.” RAINN.org

Consent is easy as FRIES

(source: PlannedParenthood.org):

  • Freely given. Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

  • Reversible. Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you’re both naked in bed.

  • Informed. You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t full consent.

  • Enthusiastic. When it comes to sex, you should only do stuff you WANT to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do.

  • Specific. Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to others (like having sex).

What Does Consent Look Like?

(source: RAINN.org)

Enthusiastic consent can look like this:

  • Asking permission before you change the type or degree of sexual activity with phrases like “Is this OK?”

  • Confirming that there is reciprocal interest before initiating any physical touch.

  • Letting your partner know that you can stop at any time.

  • Periodically checking in with your partner, such as asking “Is this still okay?”

  • Providing positive feedback when you’re comfortable with an activity.

  • Explicitly agreeing to certain activities, either by saying “yes” or another affirmative statement, like “I’m open to trying.”

  • Using physical cues to let the other person know you’re comfortable taking things to the next level (see note below).

Note: Physiological responses like an erection, lubrication, arousal, or orgasm are involuntary, meaning your body might react one way even when you are not consenting to the activity. Sometimes perpetrators will use the fact that these physiological responses occur to maintain secrecy or minimize a survivor's experience by using phrases such as, "You know you liked it." In no way does a physiological response mean that you consented to what happened. If you have been sexually abused or assaulted, it is not your fault.

Consent does NOT look like this:

  • Refusing to acknowledge “no”

  • A partner who is disengaged, nonresponsive, or visibly upset

  • Assuming that wearing certain clothes, flirting, or kissing is an invitation for anything more

  • Someone being under the legal age of consent, as defined by the state

  • Someone being incapacitated because of drugs or alcohol Pressuring someone into sexual activity by using fear or intimidation

  • Assuming you have permission to engage in a sexual act because you’ve done it in the past

Sex and Consent in TV & Movies

“Popular movies like Beauty and the Beast, Sixteen Candles, Revenge of the Nerds, Porky's, American Pie and even Greece all portray sexual assault as acceptable behavior.

1 out of every 6 women has been sexually assaulted in her lifetime. And 1 out of every 10 rape victims is male.

It's time for Hollywood to better represent sex and consent on the big screen.” ATTN: Zerlina Maxwell on Youtube

“TV shows are an important part of our lives and play a big role in shaping culture – whether we realize it or not. While the topic of consent is becoming more present in the shows and movies we love, that doesn’t mean the media always gets the issue of sexual assault “right.” This has real world implications. In fact, a study in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence about beliefs and influence of TV found that both young men and women who have viewed rape scenes were more at ease with violence against women, and more attracted to sexual aggression.” GirlsInc.org

Resources

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)

RAINN is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE, online.rainn.org y rainn.org/es) in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country and operates the DoD Safe Helpline for the Department of Defense. RAINN also carries out programs to prevent sexual violence, help survivors, and ensure that perpetrators are brought to justice.

Planned Parenthood on Consent

Planned Parenthood delivers vital reproductive health care, sex education, and information to millions of people worldwide.

The Network/La Red (TNLR)

A survivor-led social justice organization working to end partner abuse in LGBQ/T, SM, and polyamorous communities. TNLR offers several services and resources such as hotline, safe home, group support, and one-on-one advocacy to survivors of partner abuse or domestic violence.

Resources to Help Parents Talk to Kids About Consent

Parents play a critical role in teaching their kids about consent, respect, and boundaries. One of the most impactful ways that parents can teach kids about their bodily autonomy and respecting the boundaries of others is by modeling examples of everyday consent. 

RadioLab: In the No (a three-part series on consent)

Over three episodes, RadioLab wanders into rooms full of college students, hear from academics and activists, and sit in on classes about BDSM.

QuiverDating

An interactive app for non-traditional relationships of all kinds whose founders are dedicated to providing resources around consent.

Note: we are by no means experts on the topic of consent or the varying legal definitions thereof, but unequivocally believe that consenting and asking for consent are non-negotiables in any relationship.

The information is not presented as a source of legal advice. You should not rely, for legal advice, on statements or representations made within this website or by any externally referenced websites. If you need legal advice upon which you intend to rely in the course of your legal affairs, consult a competent, independent attorney. Blink does not assume any responsibility for actions or non-actions taken by people who have visited this site, and no one shall be entitled to a claim for detrimental reliance on any information provided or expressed.