5 Tips for Navigating Dating Apps as an Introvert

I have a secret to share: despite studying and working with humans, I’m an introvert. I love meeting new people, connecting with them, and learning their wants and wishes, but at the end of the day the only thing on my mind is relaxing and recharging by myself in my bed after the day’s interactions.

And this is great and all, but it can definitely create roadblocks when it comes to relationships and especially online dating. As introverts, the thought of putting ourselves out there in the unknown void that is online dating can be daunting and even terrifying, but what is even more worrisome is the potential loneliness of not meeting anyone.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Online dating can be fun and exciting, offering a chance to move beyond that awkward small talk phase where you and your date volley back and forth looking for a topic to dive into. 

Here are some tips on navigating dating apps as an introvert: 

1. No small talk

2. Be recharged when you interact with matches

3. Quality over quantity

4. Focus on extroverts

5. Know your limits and be transparent with dates

Now, if you’re wondering what this looks like in practice, look no further - we’ve got you covered.

No small talk

Small talk is the bane of online dating and it’s incredibly frustrating to try to get to know someone – indeed, conversations often circle around what they’re doing at the moment or what they do for a living. Are we flirting or interviewing for a job? For us introverts in particular, it can be hard to message with a match since small talk isn’t very rewarding to us. 

An easy way to avoid the small talk and dive a bit deeper to ask about something in their  profile that catches your eye. Sure, it’s easy to just say “hey” or “wyd”, but if you’re actually trying to get to know someone, you’re going to have to put a little more effort into it. One friend told me about a match who used a song from a movie noted in her profile as a conversation starter – it was a great way for them to start a more meaningful conversation… and it worked – they hit it off from there! 

Be recharged when you interact with matches

If you’re not in the mood to text or call someone or if the idea of interacting with any humans at a given moment makes you feel dread, don’t do it. 

The most important tip to remember when online dating is that you should only do what you feel safe and comfortable doing (hey, Blink made a post about this a while ago). 

Don’t feel pressured to talk with anyone when you don’t feel up to it. Indeed, putting yourself out there probably won’t work if you feel down about it for whatever reason. Online dating should be fun, not a chore. When you’re charged, both you and your match will benefit tremendously.  

If you have a date scheduled and aren’t feeling up to it, it’s ok to text them to reschedule. If you don’t feel like calling, a message as simple as - “Hey, it’s been a long day and I need some time to recharge. I’m looking forward to our date but am not in the right headspace for it right now. Can we reschedule to [Tuesday or Friday evening]?” 

Quality over quantity

Related to the above tip, don’t feel pressured to keep up to date with too many matches and instead focus on the quality ones– the one or two people you have amazing conversations with and who you feel more comfortable with. Spend your time exploring those connections rather than talking with 10 or 15 people at the same time that you don’t really feel a connection to. Not only will you get to know people faster and better,  but it also makes online dating less overwhelming and taxing because you’re juggling fewer people. 

Focus on extroverts

Have you ever heard the saying that extroverts are a great match for introverts? No? Well, you’re hearing it now! 

For those of you introverts who have extroverted friends, you know how important it is to have a friend who  takes you out of your comfort zone. So, why not look for an extrovert on dating apps? It might feel overwhelming to be with an extrovert at first, since they’ll also take you out of your comfort zone, but it can help you explore new things and their strengths as an extrovert may actually reduce external burdens on you to be more extroverted. 

Know your limits and be transparent with dates

Dating can be draining if you’re pushed past your limits. To avoid being uncomfortable on a date or being pushed into an activity that will detract you from enjoying the person you’re experiencing it with, be honest with yourself and with your partner. Communication and transparency is essential for relationships to move forward, so don’t pretend to be someone you’re not just because you want to impress others. Those who like you will understand and make accommodations to make sure you’re happy. And if they don’t, it’s their loss! 

We hope these tips help you introverts in navigating online dating. 

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